5 ways to get through Valentine's Day if you're single (or not) February 14 2016, 0 Comments
We've all been there right?
Dreading that day of love coming up, knowing it will be spent once again without a romantic partner. Wishing the day would pass by quickly without a big fuss. Hoping it doesn't fall on a Friday or Saturday night because you'll be left stranded at home with a video and a bottle of wine, drinking alone and feeling like a misery guts while all of your mates are out on hot dates with their lovers?
I know I've felt like this in the past. While I've had my fair share of romantic Valentine's Days with boyfriends over the years, my 30s have definitely seen a number of them spent alone. It wasn't until I experienced a shift in perspective that Valentine's Day was less of a dread and in fact a day I embraced. I was waiting for someone to save me, to heal my wounds, to make me feel loved. It wasn't until I stumbled across this practice that I speak so fondly of called self-love, that I began to realise I had all the love I needed already within me. If you're feeling low or frustrated today because you may be longing for a lover, you may find these five tips helpful. They have certainly changed my life.
1. Know yourself
I started to develop a more intimate relationship with myself, firstly truly getting to know and explore who I was. What made me, me? I started to become more aware of who I was and why I did the things I did. I started investigating why I craved love so much from another, why I was always running late, what lit me up, what pulled me down, what friends left me feeling appreciated and those who left me feeling heavy.
How can you get to know yourself better? Try getting a friend or loved one to write a list of unique qualities and reasons they love you for being you. You are awesome!
2. Forgive yourself
I started to practice self-forgiveness. When I didn't get to yoga, when I stayed up too late and slept in too long, when I felt like I'd let someone down. When I gave too much and suffered the consequences of burn out. I forgave myself and continue to forgive myself. I'm not perfect, none of us are. All humans, perfectly imperfect. Flawed. I practised self-compassion. I picked myself up when I fell, instead of relying on someone else to pick me up.
Where are you punishing yourself for something you did or didn't do? What do you need to forgive? It's time to let go, forgive. Give yourself a break.
3. Accept yourself
I began to notice where I wasn't speaking kindly to myself, about my body or my idiosyncrasies and I started to accept myself. I accepted who I was and stopped comparing myself so much to others. I stopped seeing life as the grass is always greener and started living my life for what it was. Even when I felt a certain way in response to a situation - envious, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, hurt - I would love and accept myself in that moment.
Are you always comparing yourself to those other bendy, beautiful people on Instagram that appear to have it all? Are you constantly trying to fix and change yourself to fit in or be loved? Sister (or brother), stop it right now. You are perfect as you are.
4. Believe in yourself
While I never considered myself to be overly shy or severely lacking in confidence, I realised some years ago my life could be better. So much better. I started stepping out of fear and victim mode, stopped letting life happen to me. I wanted life to move through me, on my terms and started rising up and believing in myself more. Trusted myself. Started relying less on what others said or thought. I didn't need to fit society's mould of buying property, getting married and having children by 30 to feel worthy. I started believing that I could do whatever it was I wanted. That it was only my limiting beliefs, my mind that wanted to talk me out of things. By doing we create confidence. By having a beginner's mindset we learn from our mistakes. There is no failure. We develop new skills, resilience, confidence.
Are you letting fear stop you from pursuing your dreams? Are you too busy listening to what everyone else thinks to hear the voice of your intuition and the whispers of your soul?
5. Love yourself
It's a lifelong journey and process, but my life truly began to change when I began to love myself. Not in a cocky, egotistic way, but in an accepting, forgiving and compassionate way. Yoga and meditation showed me that incredible light that exists within me. That light that has always been there, my birthright. That unconditional love and life force that exists within us all, if we stop for long enough to hear, feel and experience it. I came home. I found myself. A spiritual being in a human body suit. I felt connected to all that is and I no longer felt alone.
I found my greatest love. Unconditional. Ever present.
Can you say you truly love and accept yourself? Where are the parts of you that need more attention? Spend 10 minutes journalling around this. The journey of coming home to yourself is lifelong.
You can be in a relationship and still feel incredibly lonely and unlovable.
You can be alone and also filled with the most amazing light and love.
Wherever you are today, whatever you're doing, whatever your relationship status, know this.
You are loved.
You are love.
Exactly as you are.
"Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is our true home." - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
I'd love to know your thoughts in the comments below, whether you're in a relationship or not. Do you enjoy Valentine's Day? It is a challenging time for you? Do you think you can be in a relationship and still feel lonely? Or perhaps you're happily single?
If you enjoyed this blog post or know a special someone who needs to read this right now, feel free to share the love.
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